Success. Who is it even for anymore?

Have we forgotten what success really is and who it's for, because of social media?

I’m a massive fan of both Brené Brown and Esther Perel and I recently listened to episode 1 of the new series of `Unlocking Us” on Artificial Intimacy. The amount of “woah” or rewind moments were too many to count and it got me thinking about how we quantify success in the digital age.

As a reminder to anyone that’s new here, I predominately work in UK theatre and have done for the past 15+ years, so this provides the basis for my writing here on Substack.

The backdrop

The early 2010’s saw a rise in reality TV stars playing lead parts in commercial musical theatre productions as they rode the wave of their 15 minutes of fame. My issue with this type of casting didn’t so much lie in its nepotism - thats nothing unusual in my industry but more in these “celebrities” not actually being any good at the role they were being employed to play. (I said what I said!!) I witnessed numerous cases of actors that were more qualified to play these parts, being overlooked or downgraded to a covering role, whilst the “celebrity” took centre stage.  The knock on effect of this type of casting was often felt most acutely by the rest of the cast, with said “celebrity” not always being able to (surprise surprise) withstand the demands of an 8 shows a week - either calling off sick regularly or in some cases, even prematurely leaving productions. Whilst this trend of under qualified “celebrities” in theatre seems to have calmed down somewhat, what has now taken its place, is the significance put on a person’s popularity, specifically from a social media viewpoint   The amount of followers you have on your profile has sway when applying for and then being successful at, securing a job. You only have to tick the box asking what your social media URL is, to have this affirmed.

Of course I understand that on some level, having popular actors in your cast is good business sense and productions benefit from any one persons individual social media reach but what I don’t like is that the two have become synonymous. To personally feel successful IS to have a big platform - regardless of real talent (in some cases.) This reality is leaving those that don’t, God forbid, like spending their days making TikToks and reels, feel as though they are falling behind, or even more insidiously, that they are failures.

In the podcast, Brene and Esther ponder the question (and I paraphrase) “whether it has even happened if we didn’t take a picture/post it” and as I sit writing this post, I know I am guilty of documenting my life at every step. My meals, my mid afternoon nap (jokes, I have a child) - my mundane, everyday tasks, just for likes.  And so, I ask the question, “If we can buy “likes” these days, who is this really for and why do we do it?

We do it because we are searching for connection and acceptance but this will never satisfy us, because - you guessed it. Its not real!

We are so busy looking externally that we aren’t giving our attention to who needs it most - ourselves.

If we are living in a world where we are seeking validation just for walking our dogs, then no wonder we feel as though we are not successful in our jobs or the things that actually matter, without it.  And don’t get me started on the unhealthy comparing we do whilst scrolling other peoples timelines.

To quote Esther “I can have 1,000 virtual friends, but nobody to feed my cat, nobody to ask to go and pick up a prescription at the pharmacy, but 1,000 people who are giving me likes and dislikes, and all kinds of things that are now becoming the foundation of my self-esteem.” (taken from Artificial Intimacy Podcast esp ). I find the truth of this statement quite sobering. We have become addicted and reliant on the temporary ego boost that social media gives and this is perpetuated in my personal experience by the industry I work in.  I’d argue that social media is the worse thing an actor could  become reliant on - I mean aren’t we ego driven enough? (again - I said what I said!)

Come back to the middle.

For those here that are old enough to remember life before the internet. 🙋🏾‍♀️ What did success look and feel like to you then?  Who was it for? I remember that my successes were for me and that was enough.  My pursuit for excellence was to work hard for a career and a life for myself that I liked - no actually, that I loved and felt purpose from. It was first and foremost for ME! I’d love to come back to more of that feeling.  My family and friends were the other people that shared in this pursuit, supporting and cheering me on in my successes and that was also enough.  More of that feeling please.

I’d like to encourage us all to come back to the middle.  To make our circle of validation smaller.  To share our victories with the people in our lives that actually know and care about us.  To write down our successes for ourselves, rather than posting them to random “friends” for “likes.”

My dear friend Kelly, is great at reminding me to do this small but mighty task when I’m feeling like I’m stuck or busy comparing myself to someone else’s success (usually after scrolling for 1 hr straight.) I’m always blown away by how much I have achieved when I see it in black and white.

So here is this weeks positive prompt…

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And finally…some questions to think about this week and a challenge!

🔶Do you think you use social media too much?

🔶Does it make you feel worse about yourself once you’ve been on it?

🔶Do you feel like you have to be on it to “stay ahead” for work reasons?

🔶How much do you actually use it to promo/ to find/showcase your work?

🔶Have you ever had a social media break? If so, was it a positive experience?

I’m not going to lie, I would find a social media break challenging but that very thought makes me feel like I should and even need to do it.

I started 2024 challenging myself in other areas of my life -  a month of yoga in January, a month sober in February, more reading, less scrolling in March, so perhaps I add a social media break to this list? 

Who’s joining me? (I feel like I might need some support with this one.)

For those that take me up on this challenge. I’ll start a separate (support lol) group to set out the challenge rules. Eek!

As a parting gift I thought I’d share a few things that I’ve gained joy and inspiration from whilst writing this months post.

💜An inspiring and heart affirming read from Molly Ella about what she has gained since leaving social media. The Person I've become since leaving social media

💜A song that’s been on my heart and on repeat whilst writing this piece Back to the middle by India Irie

With love and optimism

Gemma